Monster Hunter: It Doesn't Matter
by The Dededeman
Summary: Sean is sent through another dimension portal because I'm an asshole and I kicked him in there. While there, he meets the love of his life. Now, he must... Do whatever the hell he feels like doing in this story.
1. Devil May Tri

**Monster Hunter: It Doesn't Matter**

**Chapter 1: Devil May Tri**

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><p>"Crap that was a long fall!" Sean thought as he looked up to see the black hole fading into thin air, leaving him stuck in this place.<p>

"Hm I wonder why this place seems so familiar..." Sean thought as he looked at the cavern before him when a loud roar from behind alerted him.

Yep, he knew where he was as he stared at the Great Jaggi and little Jaggis charging towards him.

"Wait! Great Jaggis are weak to fire!" Sean thought as he grabbed his flamethrower.

"EAT THIS! GNAHHHHHH!" Sean yelled before discovering an inconvienient truth.

The propane tank was gone from his flamethrower along with his other backup tanks.

"HIGH HO SILVER AWAY!" Sean yelled while dashing to some ledges leading upwards. Luckily he was able to avoid being bitten by one of the monsters.

"Piece of piss!" Sean cursed as he stared down a Rathian and Rathalos, with three babies squealing with hunger in the nest behind them.

"Maybe their like T-Rexes! If I don't move they won't see me!" Sean thought as he stayed perfectly still.

But two loud roars told him that it wasn't gonna work.

The Rathalos was the first to charge. Sean, without thinking, jumped on top of it's head, and surprising the Rathalos. He quickly jumped off the tail off the Rathalos and was able to dodge three fireballs that hit the ground he was in seconds before.

"LEAP OF FAITH!" Sean screamed while Superman diving off the cliff.

"WAHHHH!" Sean cried as he fell towards the ground far below.

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><p>"I wonder where those two went off" Samantha said as she searched the area for the Rathian and Rathalos she had done quite a bit of damage to with no luck.<p>

"Perhaps they are resting in the nest Sam" her loyal Felyne Sidekick Chewie suggested.

"Probably Chewie" Samantha said while brushing the black hair out of her face before looking up to the nest area. But she didn't suspect for a person to come crashing down on top of her, knocking her on her back and dazing her for a while.

"Wow this woman is hot as hell!" Sean thought as he studied the woman he was lying on top of. Long black hair, emerald green eyes, and also that she was taller than him meant that this was Seans dream woman. But a familiar roar ended Seans fantasizing about the woman and turning his attention to a scary sight. Swooping down from the nest was the Rathalos, going directly after him.

"NOOOO! Sean yelled as he got off of the woman and started heading towards another zone, but was caught in the Rathalos mouth.

"Sam look!" Chewie turned Samanthas attention to the Rathalos carrying Sean in it's mouth back up the mountain.

"We have to help that poor man!" Samantha yelled as she ran towards the Jaggi Nest.

"Right you are my comrade!" Chewie agreed as he followed his friend after the predator and prey.

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><p>"NOOOOO!" Sean yelled as he tried to punch the Rathalos nose to drop him as it ignored this and stood over the babies nest.<p>

"GAHHHH!" Sean yelled in pain as he fell in the group of hungry babies as they started chomping on him.

"GET YOUR TEETH OFF ME YOU DAMN DIRTY BABIES!" Sean yelled as he punched the babies off of him and started limping back to the cliff. But again he was caught under the large talon of the Rathalos as it picked him back up in it's mouth and dropped him back into the nest.

"Nooooooooo..." Sean faintly said as the biting was making him lose lots of blood and weakening him. He slowly fell to the ground as his vision started blurring and fading in and out.

The last thing he heard and saw before he blacked out was a ball landing in front of his face and emitting a bright flash of light and some roars of pain.

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><p><strong>If you like the story send a review please :)<strong>


	2. Live And Let Tri

**Monster Hunter:It Doesn't Matter**

** Chapter 2: Live And Let Tri**

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><p>"So he should recover in three days?" a feminine voice asked someone.<p>

"Absolutely. He's extremely lucky that these were just born less than a week ago. If they were a month old, he would have been killed." A male voice said as they talked about someone, probably him.

"Thanks doctor, so how much is the visit?" the female voice asked.

"Oh don't worry its free! You did save our village on more then one occasion after all" the male voice said before Sean could hear loud footsteps that grew fainter and fainter.

"Geez did he take a beating huh Chewie?" the female voice asked someone named Chewie.

"Yes he quite did" this person named Chewie replied.

"Oh god I can't feel my body" Sean mumbled in his sleep.

"He just said his first words after almost two days unconscious" the female said.

"Yes he did indeed. Well I'm going to get our supper for tonight. What would you like?"

"I'll have the life milk and the dragon tail" the female voice asked again.

"And what would you think our guest would like?" This Chewie person asked.

"Hmm... Get one of everything" the female replied.

"Really? I don't think I have enough zenny for that" the person named Chewie said.

"Here, take the gift card the head chef gave us for Christmas. It should cover for the whole order and more" the female said again.

"Oh alright then. Bye" the other voice said before a door closed.

"Its a good thing I had that one last flash bomb, otherwise you would've been monster chow" the female voice said again before Sean could feel something soft rub along his forehead that felt quite soothing. Sean still lied there on the bed, waiting for the right time for him to wake up and also because the forehead rubbing was quite relaxing.

"Alright so were do you want us to place your order?" a new voice that sounded French asked.

"Just on the table near the bed please" the female said as Sean could hear plates and glasses clink onto the table that was supposedly next to the bed.

"Perhaps I should wake up now?" Sean thought while listening to some meows and the sound of coins being smacking together.

"Yes I think I should" Sean decided as he slowly opened his eyes.

"Huh? Chewie he's waking up!" a black haired woman with emerald green eyes yelled to someone as Sean rubbed his sore eyes.

"By gum he is!" this Chewie person, who was actually a Felyne, yelled also.

"Where am I?" Sean asked while looking around the room.

"Your in Moga Village, and more specifically my hut" the black haired woman said.

"Why do you seem familiar?" Sean asked.

"You don't remember? You landed on top of me and got snatched by a Rathalos" the black haired woman explained when the memories of what happened to him from apparently two days ago rushed back to him.

"OH GOD WHERES SASHA?" Sean yelled. "Who's Sasha?" the black haired woman asked.

"My flamethrower! Where is she!" Sean answered her question.

"Oh you mean the giant metal thing you had in your bag? It's over there by your armor" she explained while pointing to Sasha propped up against a wall.

"What armor? I don't have any armor" Sean said confused.

"Your strange rubbery green one" She answered him while pointing over to his fire suit, folded with the mask lying on top.

"Although I must say. You sure have a strange style of clothing, wearing clothing under your clothing" the woman said while Sean let out a yawn.

"And you seem to have very strange clothing. Wearing only the bottom of your outfit" she said as Seans jaw dropped when she picked up something off her bare lap and started studding and stretching it. It was seans fire print boxers she was studying and stretching the waste band on it.

"I'M NAKED AS A JAYBIRD?" Sean asked quite loudly.

"I don't understand the jaybird part, but yes you are naked" she said before going back and playing with the waste band of his boxers.

"How did you get them off of me?" Sean asked.

"Just pulled them off of you" she said while Sean started fantasizing about her and what she did to him when she started talking again.

"Um excuse me. I think somethings poking up" she said while pointing to his...

"AHH I'M SO SORRY!" Sean said while his face turned bright red as he tried his best to hide his 'you know what'.

"Its alright" she said rather calmly even thought most people would be grossed out.

"Ahem" the voice of Chewie said.

"Oh right sorry. Anyways this is my good friend Chewie" she said while pointing to the Felyne standing next to the bed.

"Pleasure to meet you" Chewie said while holding his paw out.

"Pleasure to meet you to" Sean said back while shaking his furry paw.

"And I'm Samantha. But you can call me Sam" she said while holding her hand out also.

"Ok then Sam" Sean said while shaking hands with her.

"And your name is?" Samantha asked.

"Sean" he said.

"Sean. I like that name" Samantha said.

"Well thanks" Sean said. That was when Sean noticed that she was only wearing the default underwear from Monster Hunter Tri.

"Oh lord those knockers are huge! Maybe double Ds? Or even Gs!" Sean started dreaming about the possibilities.

"Uh Sean. Your drooling a little" Samantha pointed out.

"Oh um sorry again..." Sean said embarrassed while wiping the drool with his hand

" Anyways. We shouldn't let this food get cold should we?" Chewie said while pointing towards the table filled with various strange food items.

"Oh right I forgot about that!" Samantha said while getting out of her chair.

"Which would you like to try first Sean? The Big Meat or the Master Cola?" she asked.

"Um I guess the Master Cola" Sean said.

"Alright gotcha!" she said before bending over to the low table. Sean looked at the food on the table and how great it looked when his curious eyes turned over to Samanthas behind. And that brought only one thing to his mind.

"Dat ass"

"Here you go" Samantha said handing the glass to Sean as he took a large drink from it.

Jesus with pork and beans was this a amazing drink. It was like drinking happiness and all the greatest things in the world, in one super special awesome drink.

"How do you like it?" she asked

"Its unbelievable!" Sean said just before finishing the rest of it.

"Haha glad to hear that!" she said while heading over to the table of food and bringing back a plate of giant meat.

"This is Big Meat" she explained the dish while putting it on Seans lap and taking the cup from him, allowing Sean to take a look at her 'headlights'.

Sean quickly took the first slice of Big Meat and took a bite out of it like Mcgruff the crime dog takes a bite out of crime. This was probably just as good, if not better, than the hunter cola. The juices in the meat combined with the sauce that it was drenched in made a amazing combo.

"Good?" she asked as Sean simply nodded since his mouth was full of Big Meat.

"Glad your enjoying herself" she said as she took the plate of food away after he finished the last bit of it. And the cycle repeated of Samantha bringing food to Sean, and him taking peeks at her, and trying every meal. And everything was great, even the fish which was a surprise since Sean hated seafood.

"Full?" she asked him as he only nodded.

"Good" she said while finishing off her meal.

"Well I'm off to hit the hay as they say" Chewie said as he headed to the farm where he usually hanged out.

"Goodnight Chewie" they both said and waved the cat off.

"I'm going to also" Samantha said as she stretched and let out a loud yawn.

"Ok then good night" Sean said closing his eyes when he felt the blanket moving.

"Samantha what are you doing?" Sean asked when he turned to see Samantha laying right next to him, looking into her eyes.

"Going to sleep why?" she said.

"Don't you have another bed or something?" Sean asked.

"No" she simply said.

"Did you do this the last two days also?" Sean asked

"Yep" she said simply again as fantasies came into his head again. "Um Sean your poking my stomach with your..." Samantha said

"Oh not again I'm so sorry!" Sean yelled as he flipped over away from her, embarrassed.

"Its ok" she said before something fell onto Seans night table. "Whats that?" Sean said before he figured out it was Samantha's clothes.

"AHH SAMANTHA DO YOU SLEEP NAKED ALL THE TIME?" Sean yelled.

"Yes why?" she asked when fantasies came into his head again.

"Goodnight Sean" she said before wrapping her arms around him and resting her head on his shoulder, cranking the fantasy meter up for Sean.

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><p><strong>Please review the story if you like it!<strong>


	3. Tri School Musical

**Monster Hunter: It Doesn't Matter**

**Chapter 3: Tri School Musical**

**Tri to find the the cameo from a character from another series.**

**Hint: He is one dimensional and has the worst fishing mechanics in his game.**

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><p>It was three days and Sean was fully refreshed and healed. Sean could hardly stay asleep because of how much energy he had in him. But then that same soft rubbing on his forehead kept him from getting up since it felt so great and soothing on his forehead.<p>

"Wake up sleepyhead, I want to show to my friends" Sam said while she rubbed his forehead.

"Well alright then" Sean said while changing into his clothes and fire suit, but leaving the mask off.

"You ready? Let's go" she said before opening the door for him.

"Heres the Chief and his son" Sam introduced me to the two, looking like they did in the games.

"Good morning" they both said while shaking hands with Sean.

"Good morning" Sean responded

"This is the Guildie"

"Hi!" she said enthusiastically while shaking Seans hand.

"Hello" Sean responded.

"This is the fish mongress"

"Good day" the woman cutting fish greeted.

"Good day to you to" Sean responded.

"And this is the blacksmith" Sam introduced Sean to the small old man carrying the large hammer.

"Oie" he said while holding his hand out to shake.

"Hi" Sean said before the old man shook his hand so firmly that it was crushing his hand.

"And last but not least. The pokke farmer and his Felynes"

"Hi" he said while shaking Seans hand.

"Greetings" Sean greeted.

"Nya" the three Felynes with their adorable farming hats meowed while shaking Seans other hand.

"Oh and Sam, I have the Dragon Toadstools you asked us to grow" The Farmer said while the felynes had trouble carrying and handing a large basket full of evil looking toadstools to Sam.

"Thanks" Samantha thanked while pulling out some strange yellow plants that the Felynes grabbed immediately and went crazy with it.

"Bye" Samantha said while she and Sean waved the farmer and the excited cats goodbye.

"What did you give them?" Sean asked

"Felvine. Felynes and Melynxes go crazy for it" Samantha said while holding out some more of the yellow plant in her hand to show Sean.

"Oh alright cool" Sean said after looking at the plant.

"Froggy? Where are you Froggy!" a insanely big guy with purple hair was yelling as he searched all around the middle of the village for something.

"Samantha!" the big guy yelled as soon as he saw Sean and Samantha and ran over to them.

"What is it Big?" Samantha asked.

"I've lost Froggy! Do you know where he is?" Big, who reminded Sean of another character from another series, asked them both.

"Sorry Big. I haven't seen Froggy anywhere. When was the last time you saw him?" Samantha asked Big.

"Well, me and Froggy were fishing by the ocean yesterday, and a sudden storm rolled in. I grabbed what I thought was Froggy and ran out of there. I fell asleep as soon as I got inside my hut, and when I woke up, it wasn't Froggy, it was a fish I caught!" Big explained the whole situation.

"Sorry Big, I can't help you out right now. I have a quest to hunt down a Barroth that caused some problems to the village that was near the oasis it made home in the Sandy Plains. Maybe I can help after I get back?" Samantha said.

"Oh ok..." Big said depressed.

"Wait I can go find Froggy!" Sean piped in.

"Who are you?" Big asked.

"I'm Samanthas friend Sean" Sean introduced himself.

"Ok. You will?" Big asked

"Yeah. I don't have anything important to do. I'm not a hunter so I can't go with Sam. So I can go look for him" Sean said.

"Thank you very much!" Big said happily.

"What does Froggy look like?" Sean asked.

"Well he looks like a frog. But he has a long orange line on his back!" Big described his friend Froggy.

"So Big go post your quest on the board over next to the guild counter so Sean can accept it" Samantha said while Big ran to the quest board.

"Are you sure your up for it Sean?" Sam asked a little concerned.

"No worries Sam. Its just finding a frog. how hard could it be?" Sean reassured her.

"I put the quest up on the board. And thanks again Sean!" Big said before heading off.

"Here have some Dragon Toadstools" Samantha said while placing three of the evil toadstools into his bag.

"Bye Sean!" Samantha yelled before heading to go with a group of three other hunters.

"Hi! So your finding Froggy for Big?" the guildie asked as Sean only nodded to respond.

"Ok well all the supplies you'll need can be found in the box at the beginning of the quest ok?" she explained while Sean signed the very small printed paper that he couldn't make heads or tails of.

"Bye!" she yelled while Sean got into the canoe and the paddler paddled to the base camp.

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><p>"Here we are!" the paddler announced as Sean got off the boat.<p>

"Good luck!" he yelled just before paddling back to civilization.

Sean headed over to the big blue chest where a note was stuck to the front of it.

"We have added extra supplies for this quest since this is your first time out into the wilderness. Signed, The Guildie." the note read while Sean opened the chest.

In it was eight rations, twelve potions, and a fishing rod and baits of all kind.

"Alright this shouldn't be to hard" Sean said to himself as he headed out to find Bigs lost friend Froggy. Finally making it to the ocean, Sean looked at the beautiful scenery. The water was a dark blue, the suns rays were bouncing off of the ocean surface, making it look like it was glowing, and the rock formations were just the topping to the scenery.

"This is beautiful!" Sean thought as he headed over to the shore and plopped down onto the sand and casted his line out, attempting to see Froggy swimming around while doing so.

"Its a sunny and rainy day..." Sean started singing to himself the song 'Lazy Days'.

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><p>Hours had quite literally passed and not even a single nibble on the end of the line could mean that Froggy was sleeping with the fishes.<p>

"I'll wait one more hour. If I don't see him, I'll call it quits" Sean said as he was determined to find the frog. Almost like a miracle, something on the end of the line started pulling on the end of the line.

"Holy crap I got a bite!" Sean yelled as he started reeling in. But almost immediately as he started reeling it in, the unknown nibbled started pulling on the line harder.

"This is one strong frog!" Sean thought as he kept his ground even though he could feel himself sliding towards the water.

"Ribbit" Sean heard as he looked down and saw the frog that Big described was Froggy.

"Wait, if your right here. Then whats pulling on the line?" Sean thought when he looked back up to be staring into two orange eyes that belonged to a Lagiacrus.

"Holy crap..." Sean grimly said. The Lagiacrus dove under water immediately and started swimming away, starting to pull Sean into the ocean.

"Oh crap!" Sean yelled as he was pulled into the ocean, but luckily had stuffed Froggy into his bag as he was being pulled underwater by the fishing pole, which he had to return to the guild since they only have one fishing rod for some reason.

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><p>"Wow that wasn't as hard as i thought it would be even!" Samantha thought as she entered back into the village after the quest was over.<p>

"Samantha!" the guildie yelled for her while waving her arms frantically.

"What is it?" Samantha asked.

"Your friend is still on the mission!" The Guildie said.

"Whats taking him so long?" Samantha asked her.

"About half a hour after he set out on the quest, the Guild sent a letter warning of a Lagiacrus AND a Plesioth spotted in the ocean here!" THe Guildie explained.

"Oh no Sean!" Samantha yelled as she ran off to find her friend.

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><p>The Lagiacrus didn't even care or realize that Sean was in the being dragged along as it attempted to try to get the hook out from under it's tooth by thrashing around wildly.<p>

"I think I'm going to hurl!" Sean thought as he was being swung around like a rag doll in the water. The Lagiacrus then started smashing into rocks underwater, in complete rage.

"Why is this fishing rod so tough!" Sean thought again as he was banged into a few rocks. The Lagiacrus then started whipping it head back and forth in attempts to shake the hook out from under its fang again. Sean was also swung around and right onto the nose of the Lagiacrus as it looked confused at him until it turned into a glare and roared.

"Aw piss!" Sean cursed in his head as the water started to boil as the Lagiacrus prepared to send a shockwave into the water to kill Sean. But just before it could, a beam of of some sorts hit the Lagiacrus dead on, causing it to flinch and turn both Seans and the Lagiacruses attention to the attacker.

The attacker was none other than a Plesioth, charging at the duo, more specifically Sean, for an easy meal. But the Lagiacrus wasn't planning on sharing its meal with no monster as it charged at the Plesioth, the fishing hook made of titanium under its fang still latched on and dragging Sean into the fray. The Plesioth immediately made a lunge out at Sean attempting to swallow him whole. The Lagiacrus swung it's head away just in time and pulled Sean out of the way just in time attempted to make an attack of it's own. It quickly latched onto it's back with it's fangs, causing the Plesioth to roar in rage. It quickly smacked the Lagiacrus in the side of its face with it's tail, flinching it and actually unhooking the hook from its tooth.

"Halleluiah!" Sean cheered in his head as he swam away, in a attempt to escape. But the Plesioth was in front of his way, making sure he couldn't pass. And the Lagiacrus was behind him, blocking his only other way of escape.

"Then I'll go down!" Sean thought as he swam down low just in time to avoid being caught in a two monster pileup.

"What ignoramuses!" Sean thought as he swam to area 10 and rised to the surface and saw Samantha waving to him on the shore.

"Here, go to her little buddy!" Sean commanded Froggy as he swam through the water and into Samanthas arms.

"I told you I could do it!" Sean yelled to her and looked down to place the fishing rod in his bag, but saw something horrifying.

Right under him was the Plesioths huge humongous wide open mouth about to swallow him. Sean was sent careening into the air just before landing on the Plesioths tongue. Before Sean could even attempt to jump out, the Plesioth snapped it jaws shut and swallowed, sending Sean down it's gullet.

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><p>Samantha just watched in horror as her new friend was eaten right before her eyes by the one of her biggest fears, the Plesioth. She couldn't even attempt to help him as it came out of nowhere quickly and was gone in just a flash.<p>

"No... Not Sean!" Samantha yelled while wiping back some tears from her face.

"I will avenge you Sean! I will avenge your death!" she yelled before stomping off angrily with Froggy in her arms.

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><p>"Thats a lot of fish!" Sean said as he looked at the large pile of fish he was lying on in the Plesioths stomach.<p>

"Let me out!" Sean yelled while punch the stomach walls with his fists.

But the only reaction he got was even more fish landing on top of him.

"Nasty!" Sean yelled as he pushed the mucus covered fish off of him.

"I ain't giving up yet!" Sean yelled as he started to punch the stomach walls even harder. And after only ten punches, he couldn't even punch anymore because he was surrounded by so much dead fish, he couldn't even reach through the pile anymore in the small organ prison.

"Might as well wait for the end" Sean thought as he simply just waited for his end when a strange and random thought came in his head.

"Trust the fungus" that stupid line from the terrible Mario movie came into his head which gave him a thought.

"Wait trust the fungus?" Sean thought when he reached into his bag and pulled out the three dragon toadstools Samantha gave him earlier this day.

"Thats it! Luigi my man your a genius!" Sean yelled as he placed the three toadstools into the tube leading to the intestines. Nothing happened for a little while as Sean feared the worst.

"Please let this work!" Sean thought when his prayers were answered as the stomach started rumbling. It started to shake more and more and soon it stopped.

"Wait what?" Sean was about too say when he was carried back up the gullet by a torrent of fish, water, and bile. Sean found himself looking up into a starry night and also saw the Plesioth swimming away from the shore he was attempting to get to before he was eaten.

"Yeah! Screw you ya giant fishy freak!" Sean yelled at the Plesioth who swam away to somewhere else. Sean grabbed his bag when he noticed something shining under the pile of bile and fish.

"Disgusting!" Sean yelled as he pulled out a strange spherical object. Sean quickly rubbed the bile off of it to reveal a beautiful Wyvern Stone.

"Awesome!" Sean cheered as he placed that into the bag.

"Better get back to the village" Sean thought as he ditched his ruined fire suit that was melted and full of bite marks on the beach as it was still melting from the stomach acid and dashed back to the village.

"Wow it's midnight!" Sean thought as he looked at the sundial in the middle of the village showed the time.

"Well here I am!" Sean thought as he tiptoed past Chewies bed where he was sleeping and past Samanthas bed, where she was sleeping in his spot. Sean immediately took of his shirt and pants and quietly and carefully slid into the bed and was asleep as soon as he hit the hay.

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><p><strong>This chapter was weird probably for most of the readers, but I have pizza rolls so I don't give a shit.<strong>

** Review if you liked it**


	4. The Tri Who Loved Me

**Monster Hunter: It Doesn't Matter **

**Chapter 4: The Tri Who Loved Me**

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><p>Samantha woke up that morning with a cold feeling in her. She still couldn't get over the fact that her new friend had been killed by the one thing she feared most, the Plesioth.<p>

Ever since she first started hunting after her father taught her all he knew and passed away shortly after, she always feared the Plesioth. She's taken some down before, but never by herself since hunting it with others gave her confidence. But by herself she would go into fetal position and beg for it to be over.

"We will still avenge you Sean. We will avenge you no matter what it takes!" Samantha vowed when she heard a loud snoring from the opposite side of the bed. She pulled the covers off of the figure wrapped up under the covers and couldn't believe her eyes. The blonde hair, the pudgy belly, it was Sean.

"Sean? Is that really you?" Samantha asked as she lifted him up by his armpits.

"Wha?" Sean said drowsily before letting out a loud yawn.

"SEAN ITS REALLY YOU!" Samantha yelled loudly while hugging Sean to her chest in a death hug and smothering him.

"Mmmmph mph mpph!" (I can't breathe!) Sean muffled as Samantha continued smothering him and choking him in a death hug.

"SEAN I'M SO GLAD YOUR ALRIGHT!" Samantha yelled even louder that she didn't even hear Sean muffles for help.

"Samantha your suffocating him!" Chewie yelled at her while pointing to Sean, who wasn't moving.

"OH NO! SEAN SAY SOMETHING PLEASE!" Samantha screamed in his face while shaking him violently

"Calm down Samantha, he just passed out from the lack of air!" Chewie yelled while pulling Sean out of her death grip and laid him back down where he was sleeping before. His face was hot pink and his mouth was hanging open, saliva pouring out like a waterfall.

"I can't believe he survived after being eaten by a Plesioth whole!" Samantha said when she felt something poke her leg.

"I think you may have sent him over the edge..." Chewie said while pulling the blanket over him.

"I bet he would be so embarrassed if he knew he did it again" Samantha said as she got back under the covers.

"Samantha what are you doing?" Chewie asked her as she laid down next to Sean.

"Just keeping him company until he wakes up" Samantha said as she wiped the saliva from where Sean was before.

"Oh, well, remember we still have a quest to do" Chewie said before closing the door.

"Hes so adorable when he sleeps" Samantha thought as she brushed the hair out of snoring Seans face and held him tightly.

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><p>About five hours later...<p>

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><p>"So you used the Dragon Toadstools to give the Plesioth a 'upset stomach'? Causing it to upchuck this?" The Chieftains Son asked as he inspected the Wyvern Stone.<p>

"How strange that this was inside it, I've never heard of one of theses stones being inside the Plesioth" Samantha added in as she took the stone back and gave it to Sean.

"SAMANTHA!" Someone shouted her name as everyone looked behind her. Running towards the three was a someone that was tall as Samantha, had long blonde hair that was a little curly, and wore the Giggnox Blademaster Set.

"Hey Samantha, who's this?" The woman asked as she pointed to Sean.

"Oh hey Nicole! This is Sean" Samantha introduced her to Sean.

"Hi-" Sean tried to greet before Ashlee grabbed him in a tight hug.

"OH MY GOD HES SO ADORABLE!" Nicole shouted as she lifted him off the ground and held him in a bear hug.

"Uh... Thanks I guess..." Sean said.

"AWWWW! HE's BLUSHING!" Nicole shouted before giving him a big wet kiss on the cheek.

"Yes he is quite adorable" Samantha agreed as she watched Sean being embarrassed by her friend.

"So what did you want me to come here from the city for?" Nicole asked as she still held Sean in a bear hug.

"Can you let me go?" Sean asked as he squirmed.

"No silly. I ain't letting you someone as adorable as you out of my arms so soon!" Nicole denied his request as she rested her head on top of his, all of her blonde hair falling in his face.

"Fine then" Sean said as he tried to blow the golden hair out of his face.

"The reason I needed you to come from Loc Lac Nicole is because of Sean" Samantha started to explain.

"YOU WANT TO GIVE HIM TO ME! THANK YOU SO MUCH!" Nicole shouted before attempting to head off back to the boat she arrived on.

"No no no, he's not a present, besides it's not Christmas yet" Samantha stood in front of Nicole to block her path.

"Oh? Then what do you need from me that involves this cute little guy?" Nicole said before squeezing his cheeks and shaking his face a litte

"I need you to watch him" Samantha answered her question.

"Why?" Nicole asked another question as she started petting Seans head, making him relax and get sleepy.

"Because, he's not a hunter, his weapon is useless right now, and I'm worried if he might kick the bucket while I'm gone." Samantha continued explaining.

"Oh... I see... Well anyways Sammie, what are you hunting today?" Nicole asked as she looked at the half awake young man she was holding up in the air with her bear hug.

"Today I'm hunting two monsters, a green and regular Nargacuga" Samantha answered.

"Oh... Make sure you bring extra ingredients for the Mega Potions, those suckers can be a trouble"

"So make sure you watch him, feed him, and keep him out of trouble" Samantha explained the rules.

"Got it Sam!" Nicole responded.

"Oh and one more thing... Be careful about what you do around him" Samantha gave a warning.

"Why?" Nicole asked. "Because his..." Samantha gestured about his...

"Oh! Ok got it!" Nicole responded when she felt something wet drip down her stomach.

"What the..." Nicole thought out loud when she looked down and found her answer. She hadn't realized it, but when she had rested her head on his head, she pushed his head down her shirt, making him look like an Ostrich.

"Oh woops!" Nicole said as she pulled out the pink faced boys head from down her shirt.

"Are you alright?" Nicole asked him.

"I think I love you... Sean muttered as he was daydreaming with a waterfall of saliva dripping down his mouth.

"Hold on one moment.." Samantha said as she raised her fist and bonked him on the head.

"Woah what? Where am I?" Oh yeah now I remember" Sean said out loud as he snapped out of it.

"Aww. Bye Sammie!" Nicole waved Samantha off as she headed to her boat.

"So what do you want to do first?" Nicole asked the Pyromaniac.

"Well... I would-" Sean started to say

"OOOHHHHHHH SHOES!" Nicole shouted as she ran up to one of the many stores that were just set up.

"Eh, I'll just go myself" Sean said as he headed off to Moga Woods.

* * *

><p>"Now if I was a Pyromaniacs Propane Tank, where would I be? Probably in the flamethrower" Sean said as he walked onto the beach.<p>

"Oh I remember what happened last time I was here. Stupid Frog obsessed giant" Sean muttered when he noticed something white sticking out of the sand.

"A PROPANE TANK!" Sean shouted as he started running to it. But before he could reach it, three Ludroths had grabbed it and jumped back into the Ocean.

"HEY!" Sean shouted as he jumped in after them, totally forgetting about the Plesioth and Lagiacrus from yesterday. Sean soon chased them into area ten, but for some strange reason, the two Underwater demons were nowhere in sight. But on the ocean floor, six yellow eyes were watching his every move from the sand.

Sean chased after the Ludroths into the cave, as they didn't know he was following them. But as soon as Sean turned the corner, he had to hide as he looked at the sight in front of him. Not one, not two, but FOUR Royal Ludroths were in the nest, sleeping, along with the other twenty Ludroths. Sean watched as the one that stole his Propane Tank walked up to the largest Royal Ludroth, placed it in front of him as he moved it in the middle of his curled up body with his tail, and soon started to slumber as the three Ludroths went to sleep also.

"Well, I'm f**ked" Sean whispered as he slowly sneaked out into the open and started tiptoeing to the herd of Ludroths. It would be easy to just head up to the big one, but he was in the very back of the the group and the positions of all of the Leviathans made it impossible to just beeline it. But there was one path he could take, although still difficult, and that was to climb over all the Ludroths as silently as possible.

"Writer, play My Sneaking Theme!" Sean whispered.

* * *

><p>[Mission Impossible Theme]<p>

* * *

><p>Sean slowly tiptoed up to the the first Ludroth and carefully tiptoed over it's tail and continue climbing over the other Ludroths and R Ludroths. He was soon at the very back of the cave and staring at the colossal sleeping Leviathan.<p>

"Here goes nothing" Sean thought as he climbed over the R Ludroths head. He thankfully made it over the head and was now standing in front of one of his missing propane tanks.

"AH HA! THAT's ONE OF THEM! NOW WHERE ARE THE REST?" Sean shouted so loud that he shook the cavern walls. As soon as Sean realized it, he almost soiled himself. But none the the Ludroths awoke or even moved.

"Woah, how did that not-" Sean started to say before he slipped on a eggshell, sending him slamming into the R Ludroths head, where he then proceeded to start tripping and stomping on the Ludroths tails and claws. But still even after he had tripped and fallen and even kneed one of them in the face, they still remained asleep.

"They could sleep through one of my Pyromaniac moments..." Sean thought when a drop of water landed on the sand in front of him. Almost immediately, all of the Ludroths shot up and were now growling at Sean.

"Aw crap" Sean said as they all roared and gave chase to the young pyromaniac.

"GOTTAMOVETHATGEARUP!" Sean thought as he swam as fast as he could.

* * *

><p>[Jaws Theme]<p>

* * *

><p>"Hey writer what gives?" Sean asked no one. Suddenly a Gobul burst out from underneath him, attempting to sneak attack him.<p>

"DO A BARREL ROLL!" Peppy shouted as Sean Barrel Rolled out of the Gobuls lunge. And almost as soon as he had finished Barrel Rolling, one of the Ludroths chomped down on his left leg and was dragging him back.

"ARGHHH!" Sean groaned as he started punching the Ludroth, but you know what they say in Brooklyn, Ludroths don't let go easily. Or is it the bagel?

Suddenly the Ludroth was sucked into the Gobuls gaping jaw as it attempted to suck Sean in. "NOPE" Sean thought as he grabbed a stalagtite from nearby and tossed it into the Gobuls jaw, causing it to start choking.

"Eat that, home boy" Sean thought as he turned back to be staring at the Royal Ludroths.

"Oh hello you again" Sean thought. But the R Ludroths weren't interested in Sean, they were interested in their sworn enemies, the three Gobuls that had appeared behind the first Gobul.

"Well I'm between a rock and a fishy place" Sean thought as both groups charged at each other. A vicous battle started as both factions clawed, bit, lunged, slammed, paralyzed, and blinded each group. But Sean wasn't there because he was out on the beach running from the groups.

* * *

><p>Suddenly out of nowhere, both the Lagiacrus and the Plesioth attacked, scaring away both groups onto the beach.<p>

* * *

><p>"Eat. Kill. Eat. Kill." The unknown monster thought as it stomped through it's secret path on the beach.<p>

"Prey. Small. Tiny. Eat." the unknown monster as it watched the human, Sean, run out of the beach.

"Prey. Big. Fish. Tasty. Kill. Eat." the unknown monster thought as it saw the four gobuls and four R Ludroths scared onto the beach by the Lagiacrus and the Plesioth, who were now friends for some reason.

"Water. Hate water. Eat. Kill. NOW!" the monster charged into the open and started murdering the 8 Leviathans brutally, and then feasted on all of them until it was just the skeletons left.

"Tasty. Litte prey. Chase. Eat. Now. Always. Hungry." the unknown monster thought as it stomped off in the direction Sean ran, eating any living thing in it's path.

"Man I wonder why there hasn't been any monsters at all!" Sean said to himself as he walked through the now deserted Jaggi cave.

"Is that" Sean thought as he spotted another Propnae Tank in a pile of...

"Shit" Sean finished the sentence as he ran up to it and started digging through it to pull out the nasty smelling Propane Tank.

* * *

><p>"Prey. Found. Eat. Kill!" the unknown monster thought as it stomped up behind Sean.<p>

"Wait why did it get so dark all of a sudden?" Sean thought as he turned back and had now soiled his pants at the site of the most fearsome of all the monsters, the Hungry Deviljho.

"Bricks have been shat" Sean said as he looked at the towering behemoth.

* * *

><p><strong>Oh no, now there's a Deviljho on the loose, and not just any Deviljho, but the Hungry Deviljho. If you don't know about the Hungry Deviljho, look up Deviljho on the Monster Hunter Wiki, a picture of him is in there, and does he not look even more bad ass in it?<strong>


	5. Do, Or Do Not, There Is No Tri

**Monster Hunter: It Doesn't Matter **

**Chapter 5: Do, Or Do Not, There Is No Tri (Credit for this great title goes to B.C.L.X IS MAD SO HES IN CAPS)**

* * *

><p>"Aww crap..." Sean said as he stared at the Hungry Deviljho.<p>

"EAT SHIT YOU GIANT HELL PICKLE!" someone yelled as four dung bombs slammed into the Hungry Deviljhos face. The Hungry Deviljho retreated in disgust as it ran off from the horrible stink that was on it's face to wash it off.

"Oh man thanks so much Sam-" Sean started to thank his savior when he himself received a face full of dung bomb.

"AHHHHH GOD WHAT IN LORD NELSONS TROUSERS WAS THAT FOR!" Sean asked as he rubbed away the dung from his face. When he finally finished wiping it off, he wasn't staring at Samantha or Nicole, he was staring at someone completely different.

Standing there was a boy, probably his age and 2 inches shorter than him to be exact, staring at him with a venomous glare. He had green hair in a Mohawk style and yellow eyes. He wore the Deviljho Armorset, with the helmet under his arm to show his face.

"OH SEAN I'M SO GLAD I FOUND YOU! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" Samantha shouted as she grabbed Sean into a long embrace.

"Just fine, except that I'm covered in blood" Sean answered

"WHAT!" Samantha shouted, worried, but relaxed when she saw that he meant the blood on her armor from her hunt, that she had smeared on him.

"Its a good thing I found him, otherwise he would've been a victim of the Hungry Deviljho" The stranger said as he watched the two.

"Oh thank you so much, I didn't see you there. May I ask your name?" Samantha asked the stranger, just notching him.

"The names Jetson Quinston Karlington, but my nickname is JK" JK told his name.

"Well Mr. Jetson, thank you so much for saving Sean. I'm Samantha by the way, but you can call me Sam."

"May I ask you for a favor, can you help Sean back to the village? I still have to get something straight with a friend of mine", if it's not to much to ask"

" It won't be a bother at all. I will make sure that Sean will return home unscathed" JK answered.

"Thanks! Bye Sean!" Samantha said her goodbyes before dashing off to the village.

"Well thanks for-" Sean said before he was grabbed by his shirt collar and slammed into a rock wall.

"Listen here and listen good, she's mine! Back off, you'll never get with someone with that great of a body! And here, have some more shit!" JK snapped as he pulled out another dung bomb and shoved it into Seans face.

"Now get back to the village before I beat you like a rented Mule!" JK commanded as he kicked Sean in his side, sending him dashing back to the village.

"Only I can get someone with such a nice ass and the largest chest I've ever seen!" JK thought before teleporting to the gates with his far caster.

* * *

><p>"So your a world famous Monster Hunter?" Samantha asked JK.<p>

"Yep! The only one that has ever killed three deviljhos by himself with nothing but a hunting knife and the skin on my back!" JK bragged as they sat next to Sean, who was in bed, because JK said that he might have gotten 'Deviljho Pox'.

" Deviljho Pox is a very rare sickness! The best way to fight off the sickness is to stay in bed, and not move around to much." JK explained to Samantha.

"Oh you poor thing! I hope you get better soon." Samantha said before giving him a kiss on the forehead, making his face grow pink and drool a waterfall.

"I know this great hunting ground, it's this really giant and beautiful Mountain. It's called the Mountain Stream. Do you want to come with me and explore? I would give you a great tour and maybe we could hunt some of the Indigenous Monsters there" JK turned Samanthas attention away from Sean as she started stroking her hand through his hair.

"I think that would be great! Sean you wouldn't mind that at all would you?" Samantha asked Sean

. "Well- NO NO I WOULDN'T MIND AT ALL!" Sean changed his mind st the last minute as he saw JK pull out a dung bomb behind his back.

"Great! Let's go!" JK said as they both headed for the door.

"Head over to the counter, I have to grab something" JK told Samantha as she left without him.

"What did you forget?" Sean asked when JK ran over to him and farted in his face.

"BLARG!" Sean yelled as he held his nose to avoid the rotten smell.

"what in the holy mother of ass do you eat!" Sean asked as JK headed over to the table and spit in the food Samantha left for him to eat while she was gone.

"Bacon Wrapped Scallops" JK responded before knocking over the book Sean was reading, Chris and the Great Velicodrome Caper, off the nightstand.

"Smell ya later shrimp!" JK said before he spat in Seans face.

"That stupid piece of crap. I'm taller than him and he just pulled a Gary Oak" Sean mumbled as he picked the book off of the ground.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile high above Moga Village.<p>

* * *

><p>?: Hehehe yes! So I see my loathsome copy is here. Another world to add to my growing collection of kingdoms. The black haired woman... I sense a great power within her, one that I must copy! Bid my time I will.<p>

* * *

><p>"Oh Chris! You and your silly antics!" Sean said aloud as he just got up to the part where Chris created a Bouncing Racoon Cannon to lure out the legendary Bronze Velocidrome that he had heard rumors about.<p>

Suddenly, the plate of food Samantha had got him fell off the table with a loud smash.

"Whuzzat!" Sean shouted in shock as he was so interested in his book, that the loud smash had startled him.

"Probably just the wind" Sean thought to himself as he continued reading his story. Then almost immediately after he had began reading, the Gobul Lamp on the far side of the bed fell over.

"Is someone there!" Sean shouted as he scrambled over to the other side and searched on the floor and area to search for something.

"I swear I'm going looney!" Sean said as he headed back over to his side of the bed.

"Hey where's my book?" Sean mumbled as the book wasn't on the nightstand. "Did I move it somewhere else? Or did it fall through the cracks in the floor?" Sean thought out loud as he searched around the bed when a hand passed the book to him.

"Oh thank you very...much..." Sean started to thank when he looked up to see Nicole sitting there on the bed, licking her lips.

"Your very welcome handsome..." Nicole seductively said before pouncing on Sean and placing something over his mouth, knocking him out cold.

* * *

><p><strong> IT's A TRAP!<strong>

** It sure is isn't it? What does Nicole want with Sean? **

**Why is JK a complete douche bag?**

** And why does Baby Spinach have such a short shelf life? **

**FIND OUT IN THE NEXT ACTION PACKED ISSUE OF SAXTON HALE! Comics! In stores soon! (not really)**


	6. Live Free Or Tri Hard

**Monster Hunter: It Doesn't Matter **

**Chapter 6: Live Free Or Tri Hard**

* * *

><p>"Oh my god... What happened? All I remember is that Nicole..." Sean mumbled until he saw that Nicole was lying on top of him, completely naked.<p>

"OMGWTFBBQ!" Sean shouted in shock while Nicole yawned and rubbed at her eyes.

"So how are you doing my darling?" Nicole asked as she brushed the hair out of her face.

"WHY ARE YOU NAKED!" Sean asked as he back up as far as possible on the bed from underneath her.

"Oh Seanie, your naked too silly!" Nicole shouted as Sean just realized that now.

"What did you do!" Sean asked her another question.

"Ever since I met you, I knew we were meant to be! I asked Samantha before while you were down my shirt, which I enjoyed as much as you did, if I could keep you. She said no, much to my disappointment. And after my recent failure of losing track of you while shopping for those beautiful shoes I found, I knew that she would never EVER accept any of my money or personal belongings for you. So, I waited and waited for the right moment and as soon as Samantha and that Green haired guy left off for something I don't know about, I snuck in, and knocked you out with the smell of Deviljho Scalps I cut open. And that's how your on this ship!" Nicole explained the whole story.

"Wait Ship? Slave? WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME! I AIN'T NO SLAVE!" Sean shouted as he looked around the ship cabin, which was surprisingly large and well cleaned.

"Oh your definitely not one, yet, but it was the only way I could get you on board. I turned you in as a slave, bought you, bought this wonderful cabin, and that's how we got here" Ashlee said as she crawled closer to Sean who was backing up into the wall as close as he could.

"Your insane! Get away from me!" Sean shouted as he weakly kicked at her.

"Oh but your my slave now. That means you do what I say." Nicole said as she was now pressing up against Sean as much as she could and beginning to lick his ear slowly.

"Ohhhhhh... That actually feels nice..." Sean sighed as he let her continue licking his ear.

"Now how would you like to do me! Would you like it Rough! Fast! Slow? Soft? Or just a nice and easy slide in..." Nicole asked with a hungry look in her eyes as she grabbed Seans hand and squeezed it around her...

"Your not right in the head! I'm getting out of here!" Sean shouted as he jumped out from under her and ran for the door, but was yanked back to the bed by a steel chain around his neck like he was some dog.

"You don't understand about the Slave part do you? Your MY Slave, your going to do what I say and let me do what I want with you. You got it?" Nicole asked as she got close to his face.

"But I want to go back home..." Sean quietly said.

"Your not going anywhere near there soon! Your going to stay with me and were going to have children and a great family!" Nicole shouted at him when a loud gong sounded through the air.

"Looks like were at our stop, better put these on love" Nicole said as she tossed him a potato sack and short torn trousers.

"Wheres my old clothes!" Sean asked.

"I needed to take them off of you in order to get you on board as a Slave, dont worry there in my luggage. You can put them on as soon as we get to my house" Nicole answered his question.

"Where are you taking me!" Sean asked.

"To my home city of course, Loc Lac, the jewel of the desert" Nicole answered that question also.

"Oh dear lord!" Sean thought as he was dragged off the boat after the poor boy and the screwed up hunter finished changing.

* * *

><p>"You were right, that Nargacuga creature does have a similarity to a Barioth!" Samantha said as Samantha and JK walked into her house.<p>

"Sean were home! Are you feeling any better? Sean? Sean?" Samantha started looking around the room when she spotted he wasn't in the bed and there was a purple note on the pillow he was resting his head on when she left.

"SEAN!" Samantha shouted as she tripped over to the note and started reading it.

* * *

><p>Dear Sammie<p>

Don't worry Sam, your cute little friends safe and sound with me. The payment for him is on the nightstand.

Love, Nicole

* * *

><p>"Nicole you two timing piece of MOTHER FUC-"<p>

* * *

><p>"See? Your bath wasn't so bad was it?" Nicole asked the squeaky clean kid.<p>

"I smell like green apples..." Sean groaned as he sat on the couch made of red vinyl

"Now come on boy! I promised my friends that I would show you to them. We can get something to eat while were there!" Nicole shouted as she skipped over to the couch and sat down next to him.

"What makes you think that I'm going to..." Sean started to say before Ashlee had unbuttoned her top, showing her chest for him.

"You can see even more than this if you do..." Nicole seductively said as she laid her head on Seans shoulder.

"Boobs- I mean alright let's go" Sean said.

"I knew you would want to!" Nicole shouted in happiness as she latched his steel collar and chain on and started walking him like a dog into the busy streets.

"Aw shit! Boobies ruin everything!" Sean thought as he walked through the streets.

* * *

><p>It was a tiring half a hour of walking on four legs as they stopped in front of large coffee shop.<p>

"Nicole over here!" a group of women shouted for Nicole.

"So this is the cute little guy that you bought! He's even cuter than what I thought!" A brown haired woman said as she started dragging Sean around the table for them to take a good look.

"There is no way ou could've found such a handsome slave here! Where'd you find him?" A red haired woman asked as she inspected Sean.

"Does he talk?" a purple haired woman asked Nicole.

"Yes, but for some reason he doesn't want to" Nicole answered as she dragged Sean along to the last woman. She had long, silver hair, purple eyes, wore a very revealing black strapless dress and was glaring at Sean. If looks could kill, Chuck Norris would've been dead by the daggers she was staring into Sean. Sean sat there under the cold stare, and decided to try and do a little wave, to break the ice. As soon as he did his little friendly wave, she abruptly picked him off of the ground, and placed him on her lap. She pulled out a small knife and...

"Nicole! How inconsiderable for you to buy this poor boy and put this horrible contraption on him!" the Silver haired woman scolded Nicole as Sean rubbed his neck in relief, finally able to breathe properly.

"I didn't know! And I can't change to adjustment on it!" Nicole tried to defend herself.

"Well you shouldn't have bought this boy and collar! Look he's got marks from that horrible thing!" The Silver haired woman replied while pulling Seans hands away from his sore neck, revealing the marks from the tight metal collar.

"When will They ban such a haneous activity like this! Their the same species and were treating them like dirt!" the Silver haired woman shouted.

"Calm down Kelsie! It's just a useless Slave" The purple haired woman shouted at Kelsie.

"This is not some useless slave! This is a human being! Just like all the other Slaves! What makes them different from us? NOTHING CHRISTIE, NOTHING!" Kelsie shouted as she pointed to Sean.

"There poor, weak, and useless, only good for labour" the red haired woman responded.

"No! Anyone can do labour! There's no differences between us! We can do the same things they can and they can do what we do right now Claire!" Kelsie shouted at the red haired woman.

"Just lay off of it Kelsie! You do this every time Nicole brings in a new slave after they die of mysterious causes!" the brown haired woman shouted at Kelsie.

"Which is total abuse and poor mistreatment of these fellow human beings!" Kelsie shouted back.

"Alright that's it, Sean, were heading back home! Cmon boy!" Nicole commanded to Sean.

"But I wanted to eat... You don't have cheeseburgers do you?" Sean asked the silver haired woman when a plate was placed in front of them, which was under a giant, steaming, gooey cheeseburger.

"By all that is Weegee... That is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen..." Sean said quietly as he eyed the cheeseburger with a very hungry look.

"Go ahead and have it, probably be better for you than the shit they serve the poor unfortunate souls like you." Kelsie said as she put the plate in his hands.

"THANK YOU SO VERY F**KING MUCH! I WILL NAME ALL OF MY TOES AFTER YOU!" Sean screamed abruptly before kissing Kelsie on the face numerous times, which she didn't mind st all.

"OM NI NOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM!" Sean started devouring the mother trucking cheeseburger so fast that it could rival the speed of Sonic wearing bunny ears, with light gravity on, and highest speed possible on Super Smash Brothers Brawl.

* * *

><p>In a dark alley...<p>

* * *

><p>?: Theres my Seanie again! He eats so adorably, so much that I could just eat him up! I could actually... HEY! WHERES THAT BITCH TAKING MY SEANIE! She's not getting away from stealing him away!<p>

* * *

><p>Back at Nicole's suite...<p>

* * *

><p>"This is horrible! This is worse than when Alvin Earthworm cancelled Super Mario Bros Z on the worst cliffhanger possible! This is worse than all the constant spamming of 'arrow in the knee' jokes on Youtube! This could possibly be worst than when Robotnik watched TV! (Awesome video on YouTube that is) I must escape this disturbed and diabolical womans domain!" Sean thought in a blind rage as he counted numerous ways of payback for taking him away from finishing the best cheeseburger he's ever eaten, most of them if not all involving murder.<p>

"Oh Seanie! It's time for bed! Come sleep with me! We can watch some of Chris and the Temple of N00B$!" Nicole shouted in the other room as she lied on the couch.

"If its got Internet slang, I'm in!" Sean went off his murdering of Nicole topic as he dashed into the room and landed on the other side of the couch.

"Hey what are you doing?" Sean asked as Nicole got up and started sliding closer to him.

"Come here, I want to hold you, and kiss you... OR EVEN HAVE KIDS WITH YOU!" She screamed as she pounced on top of Sean and started attempting to take his clothes off.

"Rape! STRANGER DANGER!" Sean shouted as he pushed against her, even though she was much stronger than he was.

Hey when your lifting and swinging weapons like Monster Hunters do, their gonna be strong as hell!

"ITS NOT RAPE IF YOU DON'T SAY NO!" Nicole shouted as she was almost about to rip off his shirt.

"GET OFF MY MAN YOU PIECE OF PISS!" a feminine voice echoed through the air as a tall woman with long blue hair smashed through the window and punched Nicole out the other side of the room, sending her landing into a giant cart full of Manure, where she lied unconscious.

"Wait... Who are you?" Sean asked her when she slowly turned towards him with the biggest grin ever.

"Your one and only true love of course Seanie who else?" The woman said as she bent down low to him and prepared to make out with him.

"NOT ANOTHER ONE AHHHHHHHH!" Sean screamed as he ran through the suite doors and ran for his life. That is until she stretched her arm out and snapped him back like a rubber band back into her arms.

"Whats wrong Sean? Don't you love me?" the woman asked confused and depressed as she watched Sean scream and struggle to get out of her hold.

"LET ME GO! LET ME GO!" Sean screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Go ahead then..." she said as she looked down at him with a smile.

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALI- Wait your letting me go?" Sean asked her bewildered.

"Yes. Just go" she said with a grin.

"Ummm... OK HERE I GO! AH HE HE!" Sean shouted as he ran out the presidential suite doors and down the hall with her extended arm still on his shoulders, which she used to pull him back.

"aaaaaaaaaaaaaAAHHHHHH!" Sean screamed as he flew back into her arms where she cuddled him and kissed him on the forehead.

"I'm so glad that were together again!" she joked as she hugged him more, while he still recovered from being shot back into her arms at such a fast rate.

"I want to go back to Moga Village..." Sean muttered as he sat in her arms, unable to do anything.

* * *

><p>Back at Moga Island...<p>

* * *

><p>"We finally packed everything we need! It really took you a week to find some Honey out in the island JK?" Samantha asked JK as he walked in with his arms full of Honey.<p>

"Had to pick out the best of the bunch!" JK lied, knowing in his mind the real reason was to stall them from going to find Sean.

"Well anyways, let's go look for Sean! We have no time to lose!"

"Did someone say my name?" Sean asked as he walked into the room.

"SEAN! IT's REALLY YOU! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" Samantha asked as she wrapped her arms around him.

"Wait a minute... Your not Sean, your not soft or cuddly at all!" Samantha said when his skin turned purple and crystal like, and his eyes changed to blood red, with nothing in them.

"Right you are my large busty friend! I'll just be taking your power now and be on my way!" The Mysetrious Dopple ganger said as he placed his hand on Samanthas forehead, hypnotized her, and copied her DNA.

"Now let me just erase both of your memories of me and... Good! I'll be off then! Wish you luck in finding my cheeseburger obssessed clone, although knowing Alice he's probably inside her stomach.

* * *

><p>Back at Loc Lac...<p>

* * *

><p>"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Sean screamed as he flung pots and chairs in the hallway at his chaser.<p>

"How did you get out of my loving embrace?" Alice asked as she flew after him with her black wings.

"I USED THE PLOT CHANGE TO ESCAPE! ALL CAPS RAGE FJFHFUNSIJSDJDJFUBEDJSJDFKK!" Sean screamed gibberish as he jumped down out the window and into the street, right in front of a dozen guards.

"STOP SLAVE SCUM! YOU HAVE JUST VIOLATED THE LAW! YOU MUST NOW PARTICIPATE IN THE ARENA!" The tallest guard ordered as they hand cuffed him and started dragging him along to the Arena...

* * *

><p><strong>UNLIKE SONIC I DON'T CHUCKLE, I RATHER FLEX MY MUSCLES!<strong>

**STAY AWAY FROM MAI EMROWDS!**

**WHERES THAT DAMN FOURTH CHAOS EMERALD?**

**King: Enough!**

**Sorry... Sean escaped from Nicole and Alice, but is now been taken to the arena, now let's see what he has to fight in the next chapter of...**

**HARRY POTHEAD AND THE STONERS BONG! (Not smokeable)**


	7. Tri Rim

**Monster Hunter: It Doesn't Matter**

**Chapter 7: Tri-rim (Another punny idea from bowser comunist lv x )**

* * *

><p>"So why are we doing this again?" Hal asked his best friend Jeff as they stood next to the gate leading to the arena.<p>

"Were here after you decided to make the Kings daughter give you a BJ!" Jeff answered his friends question.

"Hey! I already told you she came onto me!" Hal defended himself.

"What was her name again anyways?" Jeff asked.

"I think it might have been Nicole or something" Hal answered as he scratched his head in deep thought.

"Whatever, all I know is, this is supposed to be our execution all thanks to you" Jeff said when Sean was thrown into the challengers area by the dozen guards.

"At least we won't die just by ourselves. Whats your name?" Hal asked Sean as he recovered from being thrown.

"Sean. Yours?" Sean asked them their names.

"Well I'm Hal and this is Jeff" Hal answered.

"Ok then Hal and Jeff. Where are we?" Sean asked, unaware of where he was because they had blindfolded him.

"You got a blindfold on dumb ass" A anger filled voice insulted Sean.

"Oh thanks" Sean said as Hal and Jeff helped him take it off.

"Now do any of you have an idea of what were up against?" Sean asked the three others in the challengers area.

"Nope"

"Not a clue"

"Piss off"

"Alright, so we have a pyromaniac, a sword and shield user, a bow gunner, and a longsword user. Seems like we might have a chance against what were facing" Sean said as he inspected everybody.

"Don't get cocky. I don't know how to even use this thing. I never even had a water gun or a styrofoam sword in my life at all!" Hal explained.

"Yeah and I have pretty bad aim. Never was good at sports or shooting stuff" Jeff added.

"I know that I could definetly kick all of your asses and get the S Rank" The guy with the scar on his face said as he played with a little Bowie knife.

"I think it's time for us to go" Sean said as the two giant doors opened leading to the arena.

"Hey I forgot to ask. What's your name?" Sean asked the tall man with the Rising Soul Long Sword.

"Just call me Scar dipshit" Scar answered as he shoved him into Hal and Jeff and walked towards the arena.

"Who pissed in his GobulOs?" Hal asked the other two as they walked into the arena, nervous at what they were to fight.

* * *

><p>"HERE WE HAVE OUR FOUR UNLUCKY PRISONERS. GIVE THEM A LOAD OF ROTTEN TOMATOES EVERYONE!" The announcer yelled out to the crowd who started throwing the rotten tomatoes at them.<p>

"DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY THEIR HERE? The blonde one with the fire shooting metal stick is here because he broke a window. The two next to him are here because they made the Princess do sexual things, and the last guy is here for murdering half of his bloodline for an unknown reason." The announcer called each of them out for what they did.

"Is breaking a window really that big of a crime?" Sean asked Hal. "ARE YOU KIDDING? THATS THE SECOND WORST OF THE BIGGEST CRIMES YOU COULD EVER ACHIEVE!" Hal explained to Sean.

"It makes my crime look like Childs play compared to yours" Scar added in.

"Now we decided that were going to go easy on you, since this is your first criminal act. You will all fight five groups of Jaggis. And that's all, we might even throw a pizza party for you" the king announced from his seat.

"Wow. I was expecting something tougher than that" Sean said as he turned on his flamethrower.

"Now open the Jaggi- huh? Mhm, mhm, ok! Sorry but all this Zenny I have gotten from this strange cloaked man is telling me to pick something else." The King changed his mind when a man in a cloak handed him a giant bag of Zenny.

"RELEASE THE RATHIANS!" he shouted as three giant cages opened up on the opposite side of the arena, in which a gold, pink, and regular rathian burst out of.

"WHAT THE F**K! I CALL BULLSHIT ON THAT!" Jeff shouted up to the King.

"Just fight you pussies. BEGIN!" The King responded as the Rathians turned towards the four.

"LETS RUMBLE!" Scar shouted as he pulled out his Rising Soul and charged st the Gold Rathian.

"QUICK WRITER! PLAY SOME BATTLE MUSIC!" Sean shouted to the sky.

* * *

><p><strong>[Carl Battle Theme, Dead Rising 2]<strong>

* * *

><p>"Are you sure we can do this?" Jeff asked Hal and Sean.<p>

"If I could beat a Gorilla in a tie, I can sure as hell beat some German dragons!" Hal answered.

"ROAR! (WE ARE NOT GERMAN! WE ARE AUSTRIAN!)" The Pink and Regular Rathian roared as they started firing fireballs at them.

"KEEP MOVING!" Sean shouted as the three spread out to have a better chance at avoiding getting burnt to ashes.

"AIM FOR THE WEAKPOINT FOR MASSIVE DAMAGE!" Sean shouted as he stabbed the barrel of his flamethrower into the Pink Rathians right eye and fired, blinding it in that eye.

"How do we do tons of damage with a empty bowgun and a broken sword and shield?" Jeff asked Hal as they ran in circles from the Green Rathian.

"I don't know! Use your head!" Hal shouted as the Rathian grabbed him in it's jaws and started thrashing him about like a rag doll.

"Alright then" Jeff said as he lowered his head and charged headfirst into the Rathians side, actually dizzying it and knocking it too the ground.

"I didn't mean literally!" Hal shouted at him as they stabbed at the Rathian with their carving knives.

"Hey it worked didn't it?" Jeff asked as they jumped back when the Rathian spun 360 in a sneak attack.

"True..." Hal agreed.

"SHUT UP AND HELP ME!" Scar shouted as he grabbed Jeff and threw him like a missile at the Gold Rathian, knocking it out and sending it on it's back.

"LETS SHOW THESE CREEPS THE REAL SUPER POWER OF TEAMWORK!" Sean shouted as he jumped on Hals back, who jumped onto Jeffs back, who then jumped onto Scars back.

"WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU MORONS DOING?" Scar shouted at them in anger as he threw them off his back.

"We were going to do a team power attack. But since your mister 'Bitchy McCrab' you can just forget it!" Sean responded.

"There dead anyways you prick!" Scar shouted back. It was true the three rathians were all dead. The Pink one was completely burned up as even it's fire proof scales couldn't withstand The power of Seans Flamethrower and power of the double rainbow. The gold one had countless cuts on it and it's wings were broken. And the Green one died from the giant amount of blood loss from the carving knife wounds Hal and Jeff caused on it.

"I can't believe it! There not dead! Well by law were supposed to let you all leave. So go ahead and leave through the exit there, be sure to check out the gift shop and grab a I Heart Loc Lac T- Shirt" The King announced to them all.

* * *

><p>"BULLSHIT! THAT WASN'T NO BLOODY MASSACRE OF MY CLONE AT ALL! TIME FOR ME TO BRING THE ULTIMATE SHOW!" The Dark Doppleganger of Sean thought as he transformed into a black mist and floated down in front of the three dead Rathians.<p>

* * *

><p>"Hurray! WERE SONIC HEROES!" Sean shouted as he did a sloe motion jump in the air.<p>

"I think I died a little on the inside" Hal muttered as he covered his face in embarrassment at Seans retarded dance.

"Your not going anywhere until all of you are nothing but a rotting pile of flesh and bone!" A enraged and loud voice shouted from behind them as they all turned to see... Sean?

"Sean? Why are you here and there at the same time?" Jeff asked Sean.

"Nega... My clone... I see we meet again" Sean said as he walked up to the purple crystal like Dark Matter Copy.

"I AM NO ONES CLONE! YOU ARE MY CLONE! SAY HELLO TO DAVY JONES FOR ME WHEN I GET THROUGH WITH YOU!" Nega Sean shouted as he pulled out a lance and shield and flew up high and fired three dark matter balls at the three dead Rathians.

* * *

><p><strong>[Galacta Knight, Kirbys Return To Dreamland]<strong>

* * *

><p>"Hey where did the bad ass music come from?" Hal asked as he searched for the source of it.<p>

"Whats happening to the Rathians?" Jeff asked as he got everyones attention to the Rathians, who turned into Ancient Rathians.

"Let us see if you can take this on!" Nega Sean taunted as he landed on the lead Rathians back.

"I think I soiled myself a little..." Hal said as the Three Ancient Rsthians charged at them.

* * *

><p><strong>A minute of Ass kicking later...<strong>

* * *

><p>Nothing was left of Scar except for his cape, Hal and Jeff were being chased by two Ancient Rathians, and Sean was on the ground, close to death from the Ancient Rathian Nega Sean was on.<p>

"I knew you weren't even capable of defeating even one of these. I might as well end hour life right here and now" Nega said as he commanded the Rathian to charge up a Giant Fireball.

"SEAN! TAKE THIS MY LOVE!" Alice shouted as she tossed a Green glowing star at him, which caused him to start glowing.

"Wait who's that? and where did everyone else go?" Hal asked as only the Blue haired woman was on the stands.

"Didnt you remember? The Ancient Rathians ate them all. Except for the King, who escaped through a trap door. And the guy named Bob, who just walked out." Jeff explained.

"When did this all happen!" Hal asked again.

"During the one minute of us getting our asses kicked" Jeff answered again.

"HI-YA!" Sean shouted as he donned a hat with spikes on it and held a Ultra Sword.

"ALICE! HOW DARE YOU USE MY ULTRA SWORD SUPER COPY AND GIVE IT TO THE ENEMY! JUST FOR THAT, WHEN WE GET HOME, YOUR NOT WATCHING YOUR CARTOONS!" Nega shouted up at Alice.

"EAT FISH SHITHEAD!" Sean shouted as he home runned Nega Sean with a giant fish, exploding the Ancient Rathian he was on and sending him flying into the sky.

"LOOKS LIKE I'M BLASTING OFF AGAIN!" Nega Sean shouted as he soon disappeared in the distance in a twinkle. Almost immediately, the two other Ancient Rathians fell to the ground also from the lack of Nega Seans Dark Powers.

"HOW THE HELL DID YOU KILL A ANCIENT RATHIAN WITH ONE HIT FROM A GIANT FISH?" Hal asked as Sean studied his new sword.

"I don't know. Magic *snort snort*" Sean snorted when the gates to the arena burst open.

"OFF WITH THEIR HEADS IMMEDIATELY! THEY KILLED A ANCIENT RATHIAN WITH A GIANT FISH! THAT's THE WORST LAW YOU COULD BREAK!" The King shouted as he charged towards them at a slow pace alongside the soldiers.

"I didn't know that was a rule" Hal said.

"It was made just for this moment in the chapter for comedic purposes, what do you think?" Jeff said as they ran next to Sean.

"Time for some fish overkill!" Sean said as he prepared to cut them to ribbons with another giant fish, when Alice took the ability away from him.

"HEY!" Sean shouted at her.

"Sorry about this Sean!" Alice shouted as she opened her mouth, revealing a black hole inside it as she started to suck in Sean, Hal, and Jeff.

"I NEVER KNEW SHE HAD KIRBY POWERS!" Sean shouted just before he was sucked in.

"F**K!" Hal and Jeff shouted as they also were sucked into the black hole inside Alices mouth.

"MERLINS BEARD!" They all shouted as Alice spat them out at a rate of OVER 9000! miles and hour.

"Burn The Bitch! I mean Witch!" at the King shouted as he pulled out a dagger.

"Come at me bro!" Alice shouted as she pulled out a giant double bladed sword and charged at the retreating guards and king.

* * *

><p><strong>High above the clouds...<strong>

* * *

><p>"YEAH! YEAH! I'M DOING IT!" Hal shouted as he flew through the air.<p>

"THATS WHAT SHE SAID!" Sean shouted from below him.

"MINES NOT WORKING RIGHT!" Jeff shouted also as he was doing barrel rolls uncontrolably.

* * *

><p><strong>Down at Moga Village...<strong>

* * *

><p>"JK! You really needed to pack some extra raw meat? You couldn't just buy it?" Samantha asked JK, who had spent the last six hours collecting raw meat from the wild.<p>

"They were super aptonoths I swear! They were running super fast!" JK protested as he got into the boat.

"Whatever. Hey what is that?" Samantha asked as she could see three unidentified flying objects homing in on their location.

"Is it a bird?" JK asked.

"No their to big to be" Samantha answered.

"Is it a plane?" JK asked again.

"What the f**k is a plane?" Samantha asked.

"NO WAIT ITS SE-" Samantha was about to shout when Sean, Jeff, and Hal crashed into their boat, capsizing it.

"SEAN!" Samantha shouted as they both embraced the other. "Samantha!" Sean also shouted.

"AW SHIT HE'S BACK- I MEAN, nice to have you back Sean!" JK lied.

"Have we got a story to tell you" Jeff said.

"Who are they Sean?" Samantha asked.

"Their Hal and Jeff, they fought alongside me in the arena" Sean explained.

"WAIT ARENA? WHAT HAPPENED!" Samantha asked in shock.

"Its a long story, can I rest my eyes for a moment?" Sean asked.

"Just as long as I can hold you when you do!" Samantha answered as she grabbed him in another hug.

"Uh Samantha... Your top fell off..." Sean said as he held up her top which was floating next to them.

"I know! That's why I'm holding on to you" Samantha answered.

"Oh and by the way, your poking me again with your..."

"FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

* * *

><p><strong>CUTOFF PREVENTION!<strong>


	8. Tri ward Sword

Monster** Hunter: It Doesnt Matter**

**Chapter 8: Tri-ward Sword (Great title idea from bowser comunist lv x)**

* * *

><p>"So basically, you were made a slave by my ex best friend, taken away from the greatest cheeseburger ever, almost raped by her, taken prisoner and sent to the arena for death because you jumped out a window-"<p>

"LIKE A BOSS!" Hal randomly shouted.

"Ok, then you fought three different colors of Rathians, then you fought a clone of yours riding a ancient rathian that he resurrected along with the other ones, sent him flying into space and caused the Ancient Rathian to explode by hitting it with a giant fish, which you got from a woman with black wings on her back that threw you a glowing green star with a sword on it, and then just before the guards attacked all three of you, she sucked you guys up inside her black hole mouth and spat you out at over 9000! Miles an hour, where you crashed landed into our boat, where we basically left off after the last chapter." Samantha finished doing a recap of the story Sean, Hal, and Jeff told her and JK.

"Yep! Pretty crazy huh?" Sean said.

"Very crazy." Samantha said.

"COUGH COUGH YOU GUYS ARE HIGH COUGH COUGH!" JK fake coughed.

"Well at least I don't have to worry about what might happen to you while I'm gone, now that Hal and Jeff are here" Samantha said.

"Oh yeah... We can't really fight." Hal muttered as he scratched the back of his head.

"Yeah. We suck so bad we forgot our whetstones and bowgun ammo. But we did manage to kill the Green Rathian by stabbing it in the heart after I butted heads with it, which somehow dazed it and knocked it over" Jeff explained.

"But you should have seen what Sean could do! He ran up to the Pink Rathian and burnt it! He even burnt one of it's eyes out!" Hal also added in.

"Excuse me, but is someone named Sean here?" A very familiar voice asked someone standing outside the door of Samanthas hut.

"Hes right in here, let me tell 'em" One of the villagers said when he opened the door.

"Hey theres some blue haired lady with black wings out here that wants to see Sean. Want me to send her-" The Villager started asking when Alice pushed him aside as she stood in the doorway with a big smile.

"SEAN!" Alice shouted as she ran in, preparing to give him a spine crushing hug.

"F**K! F**K! F**K!" Sean shouted as he attempted to jump off of the balcony and into the sea, but was grabbed by the foot and pulled into the hug by Alice.

"SEAN! IT's SO GREAT TO SEE YOUR ALRIGHT!" Alice shouted in glee as she attacked him with a barrage of kisses all over his face.

"Sean... Who's this?" Samantha asked with a very jealous tone.

"I'm Alice! And this is my love of my life Sean!" Alice introduced herself before she went back to attacking his face with kisses.

"Wow... She's even hotter than Samantha! That ass must be bigger than a tank! And those lips! I want to taste them so bad!" JK thought as he could only focus on her behind.

"Wow... She really likes Sean... Lucky guy" Jeff thought.

"That bitch! Who does she thinks she is stealing my man! Well two can play this game!" Samantha thought

"I wonder what would happen if I put a Rathaloses claw in a lake while its sleeping? Would it piss itself?" Hal thought as he watched the make out.

"Let me show you how a real woman does it!" Samantha shouted as she pulled Sean out of a now annoyed Alices arms and started kissing his face all over.

"THAT LUCKY SON OF A BITCH! OH MAN I HAVE SUCH FURY I COULD JUST EAT CHUCK NORRISES BEARD!" JK thought in utter rage as he watched Samantha kiss his face everywhere.

"Wow... I didn't notice until now but she has a giant chest! Double D? Double G even?" Jeff thought as he had his eyes on them.

"What would happen if I put whip cream on a Nargacugas tail and tickled its nose? Would it slap itself in the face with it's tail?" Hal thought another weird idea.

"Back off! Those fake tits couldn't even fool a Khezu!" Alice insulted as she pulled Sean roughly away from Samantha and started rubbing against him. "Mine are fake! You have to wear such skimpy clothing just so guys could notice you!" Samantha insulted back as she pulled Sean away from Alice again and started rubbing against him.

"HOLY TITS! THAT GOD DAMN BASTARDS SO LUCKY THAT HE GETS TO BE NEAR THOSE FINE CHESTS! I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!" JK shouted in his mind as he started getting a nose bleed.

"Wow... She does wear skimpy clothing.. And theres no way their chests are fake, they move around to much. Fake ones just stay still" Jeff thought as he was having trouble keeping a straight face.

"I wonder what would happen if I gave chocolate cake to a Great Baggi on its birthday? Would it eat it and blow out the candles?" Hal thought as he couldn't care less about the situation Sean was in.

"Hey Hal! Don't you see we have a cat fight going on! And all you care about is what would happen if you threw a birthday party for a Great Baggi! It would just eat you, no matter what flavor the cake is!" Jeff shouted in his mind into Hals brain.

"How did you know what I was thinking about!" Hal asked in his mind to Jeff.

"You think I don't read the dialogue that the writers written?" Jeff explained.

"Breaking the fourth wall again are we?" Hal asked him in a sarcastic tone.

"We probably destroyed it by the dialogue we have seen so far. I think that the sixth wall is cracking now as we speak" Jeff said.

"What happened to the fifth wall?" Hal asked.

"Thats currently being destroyed by Ninja Mongoose, so we would probably be killed by all of his OCs and the Smashers as well if we tried breaking it" Jeff explained.

"Oooooohhhh. Wait who's Ninja Mongoose?" Hal asked another question.

"The less you know, the better Hal" Jeff answered very ominously.

"MY ROFLCOPTER GOES SOISOISOISOISOISOISOISOI!" Sean shouted as he flew out the door and into the Moga Woods like a helicopter.

"That was a pretty random Internet meme" Jeff said after they all witnessed the random meme.

"LOOK WHAT YOU DID! YOU MADE HIM RUN OFF!" Samantha argued with Alice.

"I DID? MORE LIKE YOU DID YOU SLUT!" Alice insulted back.

"I'LL RACE YA FOR HIM!" Samantha shouted as she pushed Alice to the ground and dashed out the door and into the direction Sean flew off to.

"BE READY TO EAT MY DUST WHORE!" Alice shouted after she got back on her feet and took to the skies after Sean.

"So do you guys want to chase after them?" Hal asked.

"Maybe we should wait for a bit, for more pain for Sean" JK said.

"Alright then. You guys want to play Monster Hunter Tri?" Hal asked.

"Sure why not? Gotta break the sixth wall down soon" Jeff said as he grabbed a Classic controller that the writer just spawned alongside the TV and Wii.

* * *

><p>High in the skies of Moga Island...<p>

* * *

><p>"EVERYBODYS SUPER SONIC RACING! GOTTA KEEP YOUR FEET RIGHT ON THE GROUND! WHEN YOUR SUPER SONIC RACING, THERES NO TIME TO LOOK AROUND!" Sean screamed the lyrics of Super Sonic Racing from Sonic R as he ROFLCOPTERED over the island.<p>

"CAN'T LET YOU SING THAT, SEAN FOX!" Alice shouted as she finally caught up with him.

"AWWWW F**K! QUICK SAVE ME NYAN CAT!" Sean begged as the infamous rainbow farting pop tart cat flew under Sean, in which he got on his sugary steed and started flying faster and farther away.

"YOUR JELLY FILLED FRIEND WON'T SAVE YOU FROM MY LOVE!" Alice shouted as she fired a fireball at Nyan Cat, who turned TOASTY! And died, leaving Sean to plummet to the ground.

"Don't worry Sean I'll save you my love!" Alice shouted. "OH THANK YOU PLEASE SAVE ME!" Sean shouted when he suddenly felt himself starting to be inhaled again into Alices black hole mouth.

"WAIT NVM DON'T SAVE ME!" Sean screamed when he was soon inhaled by Alice.

* * *

><p>"My god... All this fourth wall breaking and memes are hurting my head... Wait there's Sean! HAHAHAHA ALICE ATE HIM! But knowing her, she just enjoys doing that to him. Time to send in the squad!" Nega Sean thought as he started calling someone on his EVIL phone.<p>

* * *

><p>"Sean? Sean? Where could he gone. It's not like it would be hard to find a ROFLCOPTING handsome young man flying through the skies now would it? Hey there's the bitch Alice! Maybe she might have seen him" Samantha thought as she watched Alice landed on the ground with her back turned away from her.<p>

"Hi Hoe! Have you found my boy Sean yet?" Samantha asked Alice, who jumped up when she started talking.

"No..." Alice said like she was talking with her mouth full as she turned to Samantha.

"AHAHAHAHAHA! You look like a chipmunk with nuts in it's mouth! AHAHAHAHAHA!" Samantha burst out laughing as she got a good look of Alices face, whose cheeks were puffed up like a chipmunk storing nuts in them.

"Shut up!" Alice spoke again.

"Wait... Did you inhale Sean?" Samantha asked her as Alice looked away guiltily and kicked the ground.

"No..." she lied.

"Let me see what you have inside your mouth then" Samantha demanded as Alice thought things over, and soon out came Sean foot from her mouth.

"OH MY GOD! YOU ACTUALLY DID EAT HIM! Spit him out right now!" Samantha demanded as she tried to squish her cheeks to force him out.

"NO! I said two chapters ago he was cute enough to eat!" Alice argued.

"You don't have to actually eat him! Spit him out now before you actually swallow him!" Samantha shouted when Alice actually did swallow him.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT!" Samantha demanded an answer.

"Because when I'm stressed I eat! or when I'm being bitched at by a bitch!" Alice answered.

"Wait... I don't feel so well..." Alice said as she bent over and started hacking.

"BLARG!" Alice vomited Sean out, who was covered in some kind of black sludge.

"And that's why I never EVER leave without Dragon Toadstool!" Sean said as he got off the ground.

"AH SEAN! YOU SMELL LIKE THE INSIDE OF A APTONOTHS ASSHOLE!" Samantha shouted as she tried to wave the smell away from her.

"So I see your still being coveted and wanted by woman eh Sean?" Nega Sean asked as he floated in front of them

"NEGA! WHY I OUTTA!" Sean was about to start brawling when a ice sword slammed down in front of him

"NEXT CHAPTER FAGGOT! AHAHAHAHAAHA!" Nega Sean shouted.

* * *

><p><strong>Meanwhile back at Samantha hut.<strong>

* * *

><p>"God damn Rathian and Rathalos mission! Why did I pick hammer!" Hal yelled as his and Jeffs characters died in game in the arena and lost the quest for the hundredth time in a row.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Sean: CLONE SAPPIN MY WII! <strong>

**Nega Sean: AHAHAHA NOW YOU'LL HAVE TO GET ALL THE CHARACTERS IN SUPER SMASH BROS AND MARIO KART WII ALL OVER AGAIN!**


	9. Tri Harder With A Vengeance

**Monster Hunter: It Doesn't Matter**

**Chapter 9: Tri Harder With A Vengeance**

* * *

><p>"You best be steppin back from the boss dude!" someone said from the shadows.<p>

"Yeah! Or your gonna be in a world of hurt!" another unknown person said.

"M'i gniklat sdrowkcab!" another person shouted.

"Who are you? Show yourselves! Or get ready to catch Pyromania!" Sean threatened the unknown people.

"Alright then home boi! Don't get your panties in a bunch!" the unknown person said when 8 people jumped out of the bushes.

They were all ninjas in very cliche ninja attire. They also had different colors of hair and clothing to tell the other apart.

"Who are you guys? Skittles Rejects?" Samantha asked.

"NO WE AIN'T! ORANGE! HIT OUR BEAT UP!" The Red Ninja shouted to the Orange one holding a boom box.

* * *

><p><strong> "KENNY!" <strong>

**"JOHNNY!"**

** "MITCH!" **

**"NIKEY!"**

** "MIKEY!" **

**"TIMMY!" **

**"AND WE ARRRRRREEEE, THE SPIRIT SQUAD!"**

* * *

><p>"Orange! You f**ked up our theme song again!" The Red Ninja boomed at the embarrassed Orange Ninja while he played the next track.<p>

"Wasn't this joke already used in Super Mario Bros Z?" Sean asked Nega who only gave a shrug.

* * *

><p><strong>[Squeak Squad Theme, SSBB Remix]<strong>

* * *

><p>"RED!"<p>

"BLUE!"

"YELLOW!"

"GREEN!"

"BLACK!"

"PURPLE!"

"ORANGE!"

"ETIHW!"

"BEST BE GETTING OUTTA OUR WAY, CAUSE THE NINJA SQUAD IS COMIN THROUGH!" They all shouted.

"That has got to be the most cliche and lamest name for a ninja group..." Sean muttered.

"OH YEAH? WELL GET A TASTE OF SOME WATER!" Blue shouted as he threw a water ball at Sean.

"I don't think you should be doing that to my Sean..." Alice threatened after she blocked the water ball with one of her wings.

"HOLY SHIT! HE-HEY ALICE! We didn't see ya behind the two others and- YOU DIDN'T TELL US THAT ALICE WOULD BE HERE TOO BOSS!" Red shouted up to Nega in fear.

"There goes our salvage guys!" Green shouted.

"GAME OVER MAN! GAME OVER!" Blue shouted as he started rocking on the ground in a fetal position.

"ECILA SAH EHT TSECIN KCAR I EVAH REVE DIAL SEYE NO!" White shouted as he started nose bleeding.

"Oh my Weegee... QUIET! COWBOY UP YOU GIANT F**KING CRYBABIES AND FIGHT! I in the meantime, will relax over here and some more in my diary" Nega shouted before he floated over to the waterfall and started writing in the book.

"The Boss is right! Let's take these suckers down!" Red shouted.

"Yeah! So what do we do first Red?" The other 7 asked the leader.

"I think that BLUE SHOULD FIGHT FIRST!"

"ME! LET GREEN FIGHT FIRST! I JUST GOT MY ABILITIES!" Blue protested.

"LET WHITE FIGHT! HE NEEDS TO GET FIXED ANYWAYS!" Green argued.

"T'NAC THGIF, OOT YSUB GNIKCEHC TUO SECILA SSA!" White shouted.

"How about you guys flip a coin?" Sean sarcastically suggested.

"Wow thanks for the idea man- i mean, WE WERE ABOUT TO DO THAT DUMB ARSE!" Red shouted as he literally pulled out eight bamboo sticks.

"Whoever gets the shortest has to fight first, get it?" Red asked the others and got a nod in response.

"Ready? Set. PULL THE F**KING STICKS! PULL FOR YOU F**KING LIFE!" Red screamed like a mad man as everyone pulled sticks, and Blue got the shortest.

"Aw shit!" Blue said as he slowly walked up to Alice, Sean, and Samantha.

"So I guess I'm supposed to fight you first. You'll back me up right guys?" Blue asked his 7 other brothers.

"Uh yeah we wi- F**K YOU STINK BALL!" They all shouted as they jumped into portals and left Blue behind.

"Aw crap... Jack asses... So do you think we can have a rock paper scissors match or play connect 4 instead of a fight?" Blue asked Alice.

"Did you throw the ice spike at my Sean?" Alice asked.

"White froze the water I shaped, and I threw it in his- OH CRAP I DIDN'T MEAN TO SAY THAT!" Blue screamed as he discovered his mistake.

"Then prepare to be slowly digested for 1000 years!" Alice shouted as she picked up Blue and started shoveling him down her black hole mouth.

"Wait! Don't kill him! He may be able to help us learn about what my clone is planning in the future!" Sean shouted as he pulled on Blues legs, as they dangled out of her mouth.

"Woah thanks man! Saved my bacon!" Blue thanked Sean after he pulled him out.

"Now do you have any idea where we could keep him captive?" Sean asked Alice and Samanta.

"I know!" Alice said as she grabbed Blue again and swallowed him in one gulp.

"You just ate him! THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANTED YOU TO DO IN THE FIRST PLACE!" Sean shouted in disbelief as Alice licked her lips in satisfaction.

"Mhm. Its where I also store important things or even you if I wanted to, speaking of which..."

"Nope! Your not eating me again!" Sean said as he started chasing after Nega Sean, who was heading to the beach.

* * *

><p>"GET BACK HERE NEGA ME! YOU AIN'T ESCAPING FROM ME!" Sean shouted as he swam after his clone who was floating on the waters surface.<p>

"Fool! Now that I have led you so far out in the water, I can take your swimming capabilities away!" Nega said as he grabbed Sean and took all of his knowledge of knowing how to swim.

"And also now I can unbind the Plesioth and Lagiacrus I pissed off earlier today, just for this occasion." Nega explained as he unreleased the dark matter binds from the two beasts, who started circling Sean, who was standing at the bottom of the beachside ocean, having had his swimming abilities replaced with Sonic The Hedgehogs water psychics.

"Oh god damn it! Now how do I- I NEED A AIR BUBBLE!" Sean screamed in his head as he started running as fast as he could to a bubble, right under the Lagiacrus.

"Not... Going... To make it..." Sean thought as he soon couldn't hold his breath and started drowning up in between the Plesioth and Lagiacrus, who were waiting for him to drown so they wouldn't have to catch their meal.

"If you so much as touch him, I will turn you both into a nice pair of boots, and mount your asses over my fireplace!" Alice shouted at them, scaring them off when she summoned a Underwater Vortex.

"Sean! Are you alright!" Alice shouted at Sean after placing him on the beach.

"Huh what?" Sean asked in confusion.

"OH NO! HE IS UNCONCIOUS! BETTER DO MOUTH TO MOUTH TO SAVE HIS LIFE!" Alice lied as she started making out with him on the beach.

"Ahem!" Samantha said as she stood next to them.

"See! I told you he needed mouth to mouth!" Alice said to Samantha while Sean just laid there with hearts in his eyes.

"So I see we came here to late to see Alice eat thst Blue ninja guy huh?" Jeff asked the three as he, Hal, and JK arrived on the beach.

"Mhm. After Slut face here decided to fake mouth to mouth with Sean" Samantha insulted Alice.

"Oh REAL mature! Slut face! Where'd you find that one, the side of a cereal box?" Alice responded when Sean let out a sneeze.

"AWWWW! EVEN HIS SNEEZES ARE ADORABLE!" Alice squealed as she picked Sean up in her arms and squeezed him tightly.

"Whore! He's sick! Feel his forehead!" Samantha shouted at Alice as she made her feel his forehead.

"Aw my poor wittle Seanie has a cold! I'll take him home!" Alice volunteered herself before flying back to the village with him.

"SEAN! I SWEAR TO CHRIST ONCE YOUR COLD PASSES, I AM GONNA CHALLENGE YOU TO A RACE!" JK growled in his mind while clenching his teeth together.

"I was really hoping to see that Blue ninja being eaten by Alice" Jeff thought.

"What would happen if I bred a Khezu with a Gigginox? Would it create a Khezunox? Or a Giggizu?" Hal thought as the others ran back to the village.

"WOULD YOU STOP WITH THE RETARDED IDEAS ALREADY!" Jeff shouted into Hals mind.

"Sorry sorry! Just got on my mind somehow!" Hal said as the others ran back to the village.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile somewhere between time and space...<p>

* * *

><p>"So I see you all chickened out and left Blue to die?" Nega Sean asked the cowering 7 ninjas.<p>

"No! We had to make a retreat, and Blue didn't make it in time. That's all!"

"Well with your recent failure, I have decided to hire someone new" Nega said as someone walked out of the shadows.

"YOU DIDN'T TELL US YOU WERE BRINGING A SECRET WEAPON NEGA" Red shouted.

"THATS MAMA NEGA TO YOU!" Nega Sean replied, completing the meme.

"Now, let's let our new recruit hang around and get used to the lair before we send him out on a test run" Nega joked.

* * *

><p>"Sean? Alice? Anyone?" Samantha asked as they walked into her hut, spotting Alice lying face down on Samanthas bed all alone under the covers.<p>

"Alice? Wheres Sean?" Samantha asked.

"Hes right under me" Alice answered as she rolled over, revealing a pink faced Sean with hearts for eyes.

"I love you..." Sean muttered as he started drooling.

"hehe, I love it when hes like this!" Alice said before giving him a kiss on the head.

"Why are you and him naked!" Hal asked

"I was using my body heat to keep him warm." Alice explained.

"GAAAHHHHHHHH!" JK screamed before stomping out of the hut in rage.

"Whats eating him?" Samantha asked.

"We can't say that as its a secret" Jeff answered.

"Well its already night time, you guys go talk to the chief and tell him Kevin sent you, you'll get a deal on a renting house" Samantha explained.

"Thanks Sam" Hal and Jeff said before heading off to find the Chief.

"Now move over! This is my bed!" Sam shouted at Alice as she jumped into the bed with Sean in the middle of both of them.

"Now I have to worry about both of them..." Sean thought as he soon fell asleep from the head rubbing and hugging and warmth from both of them.

* * *

><p><strong>Nega Sean: GUESS WHAT MOFOS? WE HAVE OUR OWN STORY!<strong>

**Sean: ITS CALLED TheGreatMightySeans ToDs Of Awesome Sauce.**

**JK: SO GO SEND SOME STUFF IN IF YOU WANT FAGGOTS!**


End file.
